Recently, I had lunch with a very intelligent friend who is basically in the same boat as I am now. He is in his 30’s, he is divorced and he has a child. During that lunch, we had an interesting discussion about life after divorce because we both found we had the same attitudes about what we want or expect in life from this point on. We both are not in a hurry to find another partner like some people and we both basically have no expectations of anything but yet we both are very optimistic because it has become important for us to do everything for all the right reasons.
See, when we were in our 20’s we had expectations about how our lives were supposed to proceed. We felt that our “jobs” were to find that someone we would marry, have kids with and buy a house with and what happened after that didn’t really matter because those simple tasks were what was most important. Otherwise, our lives were not complete. That was our first mistake. Having such specific expectations in life doesn’t leave a lot of room for finding true happiness.
Now, however, maybe because we already accomplished those things or maybe because we have kids or maybe just because we are wiser, we do not have those expectations and definitely don’t feel our lives are incomplete without those things. I’m not sure why, but I seriously have no expectations when it comes to relationships in my life now. I would be happy to have one but what it looks like, I really don’t care mainly because this time, it will be healthy and for the right reasons. I don’t expect to live with them or marry them. If things progress along nicely, though, I won’t, by default, object to those things but I just don’t think they are as necessary as I used to. But, I am definitely not living my life for nor expect those things to happen.
I told a friend of mine a long time ago that I didn’t want to be in a relationship and he didn’t believe me. I think it’s because he doesn’t understand what I mean by that. What I mean is, whatever happens, I will be complete whether I am in a relationship or not. I don’t care about labels and I would never want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in one. From this point on, a relationship will be a bonus in my life. Not only because I love being in love but because my happiness and wholeness will not depend on it.
I just want to be happy. Right now, my happiness depends on me and no one else. If I ever had a void in my life, I have succeeded in filling that void with love of myself instead of filling it with someone else. I am complete on my own. I have my own goals that I want to achieve and if I find someone, it will be someone that enhances my life as opposed to completes it. I want someone who I CAN live without but don’t WANT to live without.
I feel really good and look forward to achieving my goals. I also plan to keep nourishing my self love even more. I believe that self love and a mother’s love are both forms of pure love. But, if you do it right and you love yourself first, you can find that pure love with the right person. So, I will always keep my heart open to whatever might enter it… whatever it may look like:)