I wonder without aim but yet I don’t feel aimless.
I know what I don’t want yet what I do want is still a mystery.
I can love intensely yet love is always just out of reach.
I am confident in my endeavors yet always loose interest before they are fulfilled.
I don’t care to have a luxurious life yet yearn for a break from this one.
I care not about money yet never seem to have enough of it.
I have a big heart even though it has exploded many times, full of emotion.
I am always brave yet always scared.
Every time I think I’ve reached the top, I find another staircase to climb.
I can climb mountains but haven’t found my mountain yet.
I am complete yet, at times, feel the cool wind through the hole in my heart.
People can fascinate and make me crazy at the same time.
I am independent yet sometimes find myself reaching for my partner.
I crave challenges but finding the right one is the biggest challenge of all.
I want extreme happiness yet I know I’m the only thing getting in the way of finding it.

Balanced or off kilter? Not sure

1. Things, substances and even people will make me happy
This is a tricky one because this one can still sneak up on you if you’re not paying attention and freak the shit out of you.

2. Mistakes
If you believe that something you’ve done is a mistake, you are only hurting yourself. Mistakes = Regret. We make choices. If the choices don’t turn out like you want, they become learning experiences. Figure out what you have learned rather than regretting what you’ve done.

3. Expectations
We can never control or predict what people will do so, for me, having expectations of people or situations only leads to disappointment and frustration.

4. Problems are unique
My problems are the world’s problems. They are not special. I like to think of us like a bunch of ants being looked at through a scientists telescope.

5. Anything will lead to my ultimate happiness
I only need to act on my passions so my life follows an unknown path with twists and turns and hills and valleys and so my life is an adventurous journey of a million miles rather than trip around the block to the 7-11.

6. I know the answers
What’s right for me is not always right for anyone else. What’s right for someone else, depends on their own experiences and perspectives.

“I don’t believe in Beatles, I just believe in me” ~John Lennon

What’s important? I’ve had several conversations with friends lately about passion and the consensus is that the way to happiness is to have passions in your life. To find what you feel personally passionate about and take every opportunity you come across to allow you to live out that passion. It seems, if we have a passion, then we have an identity, we have a goal or a purpose, we have a love that can’t die. I think a lot of people use relationships to have passion in our lives. But as we all know, the passion in relationships eventually dies out and that leaves us without a passion.

It seems, those people without passions in their life are almost dead inside. They’re lost.

“The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

Right now, for some reason, I can’t learn enough about religion. It started with an interest in Buddhism but now is reaching farther beyond just that. As I researched deeper into the religion, I became more and more interested in where all religions came from and why they are necessary for people. It seems that religion is not just some belief system but that it stems from people seeking something. Seeking salvation and direction and answers and guidance in life.

I’ve also come to realize that pretty much all religions have the same basic principle. Be a good person. Now, whether or not every person in every religion fully understands what this means, is a different story.

I used think I didn’t need religion. I used to think that I know how to be a good person and don’t need any rules written down or told to me in order to be a good person. But, now I am realizing that I do want and need religion in my life. Not to tell me how to be a good person but to help me grow more and more as a good person. To remind me on a daily basis that people are good deep down and they deserve good, too. To remind me that I am not perfect and that there is always room for improvement. To give me tools to use when I am confused, frustrated or emotional. To remind me that I am a good person and encourage me to help others in every way I can. To realize I have nothing to complain about. To keep faith in my heart that everything will be ok.

I don’t know that I will ever settle on one religion. I do have trouble entrusting and attributing my life to one ‘being’ and I do think of religion more of a philosophical and psychological thing but appreciate it as more than that. The more I learn about Buddhism, the more I feel it’s a part of me but I am going to keep my heart and mind open to anything and everything. I’ll keep you posted on what I find.

“Once we shift from seeing self to seeing openness, we become truly appreciative of life and fully become a grace for others.”

“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

By the way, I am working on my own religion for me, so I’ll keep you posted on that, too

Here’s what I’m talking about:

Brilliant.

I think most people accomplish this by finding someone that they are passionate about. The problem with this is that this type of passion can run out and cannot sustain your life’s passions. I think it’s more important to find something that you are passionate about because it gives you something to continuously build on and love throughout your life. Something to define you and motivate you. Something that can make you feel important and whole. Something that can be forever while people are not.

That thing might just start out as a hobby or interest and then it becomes a goal until finally, you might be able to turn it into a career or something more permanent.

It’s important because when you live pursuing your passion, you act from your heart. It is what can truly make you happy and fulfill you from the inside out. People believe you when you’re passionate about something and you can make an impact in their lives. If you find and pursue your passions, then everything else will fall into place and you can do great things. That has to be what our purpose is in this life. It can’t be
to just live. Can it?

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.? And then go and do that because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Attributed to Howard Thurman

So what? Right? The point is supposed to be that it all leaves us with more time to do more important stuff, right? But, what are we really doing with that time? Is it important? Is it selfless? Are we using the time to help others and make a difference? Maybe some of us are but I’m pretty sure most of us are filling that time with a whole lot a nuttin.

It leaves us with time to worry about useless stuff like celebrity gossip or Facebook-ing or getting our hair did or playing video games or sitting on the internet or getting pedicures or buying more useless stuff we don’t need (like Starbucks coffee) or even eating out (which is probably why we are all so overweight). Wouldn’t it be awesome if we actually had to work at stuff – like walking to places or cooking our own food or making our own necessities like clothes or furniture. If we had to work a little more, we might actually spend less time worrying about ourselves and start worrying about important stuff like giving or helping others or making the world a better place. Wouldn’t that be nice? Wouldn’t it be nice if we were a little less selfish and a little more selfless?

I know, I know, I live in a fantasy world and ya, it would be nice but most people would never want to go back to having to work so much at their life. And, I sound ungrateful of technology, especially when my job depends on it. But, I really wish there was a way. It reminds me of when I spent a month in Europe. I had to walk everywhere and ride the trains and it took an effort to “gather” my food and find a place to sleep and depended on the kindness of people. Surviving took a little more effort and I loved it. I got to help and talk to a ton of people and I felt like I appreciated life so much more while I was there. I felt “alive.”

Well, maybe one day, I can live somewhere that feels a little more “me.” I can dream, can’t I?

See, men are clueless and simple. They want someone who is independent because if they are what is completing you, it’s too much pressure for them. They have enough trouble matching their own socks and figuring out what to wash on hot and cold. They are so confused about their own happiness, that they don’t want the pressure of making you happy, too. If you don’t have confidence in you then they sure won’t.

The only thing is that, it has to be real and come from inside you. Faking it never works because you have to do things that are unnatural for you. Have a life and have some confidence in yourself. Aspire to be more than a girlfriend or wife. The best way to accomplish this, is to be ok with yourself, by yourself. And to truly believe you are an amazing person. There are a lot of losers out there that play games and have ‘issues’ so you need to be able to say, “goodbye!” to them at any time for your own sake. For your own mental health. And you need to be ok with being without someone. You need to have a life.

Ok, I admit I had a momentary lapse into stupidity and was guilty of this for a veeery short time. And by very short, I mean like a year or so. But in the scope of things, that is very short considering I’m in my 30’s. I did feel alone and feared the future alone, so I do know what I’m talking about. Honestly, it was really the most uncomfortable feeling I’ve ever experienced and it never felt right to me. This, as we all know, is a clear sign of insecurity. Or in some cases, it can mean you’re just with the wrong guy but all the more reason to be ok without him…

You see, if you love yourself, he will love and adore you, and you won’t have to worry about feeling insecure. He chases you and you are able to just continue to live your life just as you had before you met him. Independent from him. A partner should be an enhancement in your life, not a necessity. If you let your world revolve around someone else, you’re too dizzy to focus on your own.

Does that make sense? I hope it helps someone. Now that I’m back to being myself, I see this so clearly again and I just want other women to benefit from me seeing that side of things for a while. I didn’t know what the whole “I have to have someone” thing was about and I am actually thankful of what I went through in that year, so I can appreciate things even more. Now I can really appreciate being 100% happy and content with myself regardless of anything that might happen. I’m independent and it’s actually way more fun for me now because I get to be 100% me

Good luck!

If you’re asked how something or someone is working out that really isn’t, you can say,
a. “I’m very excited about the future.”

Or you can find something you did like about the situation or the person like,
b. “The weather was great that day.” or “Weren’t her shoes cool?”

Or if all else fails, you can try,
c. “Things are definitely not getting any worse.”

The good news is that when things aren’t going your way, they can only get better